Christmas On...

An ILGWG Presentation.

Int.- ILGWG Headquarters, Known Space

Cerberus, the mightiest puppy in the universe, is wearing a Santa tassle hat besides her T-shirt uniform, and she is trying and failing to get it out of her face. So she finally drops it beside her…and notices the camera…

C: Oh. I didn’t see you there. Why are you….Right! Well, here it is Christmas- and yes, before you say it, superheroes do mark these calendar occasions. For we observe the changes of the calendar like everyone else. And we of the International League of Girls With Guns (muscles, not firearms) are no different than any others. Especially since our relationship is almost like sisters…

Power Bunny, the mightiest rabbit in the universe, runs past at top speed, even though she is quite obviously pickled. She is followed in succession by The Brat, the little girl-like alien cyborg; Candy Girl, the Titan of Teens; and Muscle Girl, the most powerful pre-pubescent girl in the universe, all with looks of concern. All wearing their uniforms, though PB’s is hanging looser than usual on her.

C: Sorority sisters.

A loud CRASH echoes far off.

C (preparing to run): Excuse me while I rebuke my colleagues.

Camera follows her as she rushes off swiftly. She soon encounters the others in a heap of flailing arms and legs. With a flowery growl, she gets their attention, and they right themselves.

C: Ladies, please explain the meaning of this. (PB opens her mouth to speak, but Cerberus cuts her off.) And none of your monkeyshines! I am well aware of what “this” means!

MG: The TL;DR version is that someone was trying to spike the eggnog with a shot of rum.

CG: And get us all as loaded as her! That’ll mess with my meds.

B: Look, it wasn’t me. All I said was “maybe we could do it like the old days.”

C: Meaning?

PB: Come off it, Cerb’. You know your history. That wussy stuff in the shops ain’t real eggnog.

C: I should say not! You cannot pedal an alcoholic beverage to children, and that’s who they’re aiming it at.

PB: Ah, g’wan. Th’ end of the year is always about being loaded. Bessie Smith said so:

C: Ugh! You are just trying to justify continuing your addiction!

PB: You Earth kids say “addiction”, we in Anthropomorph say “way of life”.

C: (growls)

PB: Ah, whadaya want me to do? Say sorry?

MG: Barbara, please. You are missing the point.

PB: The point of what?

MG: The point of why people celebrate at this time in the first place!:

B: Hang on a minute. So this thing is all about celebrating the birth of one kid?

CG: Not just any “kid”. Jesus. The Messiah. The Only Begotten Son Of God. The man on whose teachings the entire Christian faith is based!

B: Oh. Well, you remember I’m not from around these parts…

MG: Definitely, Brat.

C: But what I want to know from you (indicating PB with paw) is why you think getting us intoxicated like yourself was a good game plan for tonight.

PB: You wanna know? Just so’s you know how I feel when it happens. And because me old bamboo is being kicked around Silicon Valley like a can!

CB: Your “old bamboo”?

C: You mean Warner Brothers being put up for sale, don’t you?

PB (nods): Yeah, man. Damn Netflix and damn Paramount are out to screw my people over like always! They’re already trying to get the animators out with that AI bullshit, and then they’ll replace us ‘toons with the fancy computer garbage they like!

MG: So…

PB: You wouldn’t like the livelihood of your whole neighborhood put up at auction without your saying so, would you, Gerda?

MG: No!….Ah, I understand…

B: Don’t worry about that, PB. If the Valley tries to one up Burbank, we’ll be there for you. We…usually are.

CG: See? That’s what I mean! You show that you care about each other at Christmas.

MG: And not because Jesus or Santa or anyone else told you to do it- you do it on your own because you know it ‘s the right thing to do.

She embraces Candy Girl, who does likewise with the Brat. The Brat does the same with Power Bunny, and Power Bunny tickles Cerberus.

C: N…n…o…stop…I….(to audience) M…m…erry…C..r…i…s….(she breaks down laughing, and the others join her).