How DARE you!

An indignant lecture from a superheroic dog.

I, Cerberus, the mightiest puppy in the universe, cannot even begin to explain the enormous amount of rage I feel at the human race at this moment.

A dog’s best friend, my ass.

Oh, you don’t know what I’m MAD about NOW, do ya? Typical.

Before we go any further- READ THIS!:

https://www.thepetitionsite.com/305/568/087/?z00m=33516147&redirectID=3546088020

It’s infuriating that you just….allow this to happen….

Seriously- you can’t find and arrest these people in the heat of the moment, like I can?

This is personal for me. I built my reputation busting chidrools like these.

Practically the first thing I did as a heroine was corner a guy like this who was making a fortune out of mills like these. Of course he refused to accept that I could even talk English, let alone treat me as an intellectual peer.

So I went to consider effort to dead-lift his automobile and drop it on his fat, loser ass!

Another time, a different bunch of fools in that racket thought they could stop me just by putting a hay-bale in my path as they fled in their automobile.

HA!

I not only sped my way through the bale but I chased the car and easily caught up with it. Then I pulled on the back bumper with all of my strength, and it stopped dead.

And when they tried to flee, I confronted them, and ordered them to return whence they came or else I would punish them. I think they were freaked out by my talking English as well, because they ran like they saw ghosts.

So I want anyone engaged in this crap to know: I will find you, and I will KILL you.

Then there was THIS delightful gem, from this very platform:

Fido Isn't Filthy

Who are you calling “Fido”, asshole?

That’s almost as low as calling a Black man a….well, you get the idea.

What makes you think we are always unclean- or like being so?

Do you think I spend my days idiotically cavorting in mud, or rolling my pelt in inexcusable filth?

I should say NOT.

My work requires eternal vigilance, as well as the necessity to remain strong in body, mind and appearance for it to be effective. I cannot let anyone trusting in me down. If I or my uniform get in any ways ripped, torn or dirty, I get it and me clean ASAP.

If I didn’t care about myself, I’d end up like my nemesis, Bordetella, who has had her body and mind warped by any disease known to the canine race. And ended up becoming a carrier and vector for them.

The chick is a total slob….unkempt fur, glassy eyes, nose out of joint, always with the most vacuous look on her face. She could stop a clock and wreck its interior mechanisms, besides.

Of course, that’s why she’s dangerous. And that’s why I have to keep my game up- for, if she even manages to get a paw on me for an extended period of time, she will somehow manage to pierce my otherwise impenetrable hide and doom me to an excruciatingly painful death.

Or so I think, She hasn’t done it yet.

The one thing that this Mr. Caulkgun-Triggerworthy, or whatever his name is, got right, was discussing the inordinate cleaning power of a dog’s saliva.

I will agree with that, but with my particular sub-race, the Sirian Perros, that ability is magnified a thousandful. I could either keep the world clean through my incalculable might, or with a few well-placed licks somewhere…

Ah. I kid you…not.

More salty canine talk: