Rebuttal

The death of superheroics has been greatly exaggerated...

A guest post by Cerberus, the world’s mightiest puppy (pictured above).

Okay…I’m pretty steamed….again.

Don’t let that icon fool you- I am not always that cute and benign. If I was, I would have been killed a long time ago.

For the benefit of you who just signed up to this shindig, let me explain who I am:

I am Cerberus, the mightiest puppy in the world; nay, the universe, for all I know. My physical and mental capabilities are staggering and well remarked upon. But that’s what I get for being a hybrid issuing from a “normal” Earth dog (mother) and a member of the all-mighty galaxy-conquering Perro race (father). So if you see a Dalmatian pup bench-pressing something much larger than herself, or lecturing the dumb and facetious criminals of the world re: their errors, it would be most likely be me.

Unless there are others like me out there….

But never mind that. To the purpose of why I am writing now…

Earlier this week, Mr.

Eric Pierce

of Michigan presented his readers with this word salad:

https://www.allthefanfare.com/superheroes-in-a-post-justice-america/

I don’t usually bother with these things, but obviously anything professional I have to take an interest in. So…

Well!

I was so shocked reading this that I sat in front of my device with my mouth hanging open for several minutes, not unlike a turkey in the rain, until I could finally recover my bearings.

This “gentleman” (and I use the term loosely) had completely written off my whole profession, my whole livelihood, indeed, my whole identity, as merely the sort of “dream” one would have smoking narcotics!

Discovering that he also wrote on this platform based on the intel of my chronicler, through whose courtesy I appeal to you now, I reasoned he had to be dealt with verbally. Since I was talked out of using grievous bodily harm…

“This isn’t what he usually writes about,” I was told. “Usually he’s complaining about how the latest incarnation of ‘Star Wars” isn’t up to his standards…”

That made sense.

And so I address Mr. Pierce personally:

Dear Sir:

HOW DARE YOU!

Do you know how many of us are actively working, particularly outside of the DC/Marvel nexus? It’s a number with a couple of zeros attached.

You, sir, are nothing but an armchair quarterback.

Your chances of being correct on your farcical assertions are as low as the possibility of your Detroit Lions making it to the Super Bowl!

Take me, for example.

I am repeatedly asked to bust my small ass for anything and everything you could imagine, from opening pickle jars to preventing incredibly nasty beings from conquering your America and the rest of the world! And, even when I am not entirely up to performing the job, I do it gladly.

I do not risk my life daily in order to participate in a “dream”.

I do not get myself punched, kicked, thrown ass over teakettle, choked, humiliated, offended, insulted, deconstructed, mocked, ridiculed, lectured, diminished, enlarged, or almost driven insane because I want to have those things done to me! They are requirements and side effects of the job.

I have not freely given my knowledge and expertise to others in my field so that they may perform their jobs at the same level as I do mine.

And I have not devoted myself to improving the lot of my fellow dogs against the tyranny of human Philistines such as yourself because I thought of myself as the product of any dumb fool’s imagination. For us, THE STRUGGLE REMAINS REAL!

The next time you want to make sweeping generalizations about something to which many human and non-human beings construct livelihoods and identities around, I suggest you bite your lip!

If you wish to be properly educated on the current realities of superhero activity, please feel free to contact myself or another hero via this forum.

Until then, I remain your obedient servant…

Cerberus

P.S. Oh, yeah. Please consider buying a monthly or annual subscription to my chronicler’s Substack. He’s in a bit of a bad way…