Responsibility?

She disputes and protests....

A guest post by Cerberus, the world’s mightiest puppy…

Hello, Substack….or whatever this thing calls itself…this is my first time here….

I, Cerberus, superheroine extraordinaire, and unparalleled champion of my race, have- at the encouragement of Mr. Perlmutter, the exclusive chronicler of my adventures and those of my friends- chosen this moment to briefly address you on this day of incredible importance to my kind.

What do I mean?

Today, September 16, 2023 (just for the record) is both Puppy Mill Awareness Day and Responsible Dog Ownership Day. So, you can imagine why it matters to me…

Firstly, let me state that Puppy Mills, in case you didn’t know, are sleazy dens of iniquity that exist only to propagate my kind for profit. They are meant to have cheaply available copies of noble animals available for sale to the highest bidder without regard for the concerns of the individual canines, and nothing else. They don’t care how that happens as long as it happens. Dig?

I seriously do not understand how and why you do not tolerate incest, among other sexual taboos, amongst yourselves, but amongst us dogs it seems to be all right!

You are such damned hypocrites.

My own mother was a product of one of those horrible places for Dalmatians, but she managed to escape from it when it got shut down after she was weaned. Knowing what happened there gave her a severe distaste for reproducing, even when she went into heat for the first time. It was only when my father, of the alien canine Perro race, convinced her that any offspring conceived with him would be meant for a far greater purpose than being someone’s pet that she consented to engage in intercourse with him.

And thus, I came to be. And, indeed, being stronger, faster, and more intelligent than any other puppy on Earth, as well as being invulnerable to the works and diseases of man, I can humbly say I am not merely anyone’s pet-and I never will be.

I know I don’t look like it, but I can kick ass like nobody’s business, and if I am on a mission to do so, I will not be crossed!

Next- “Responsible” Dog Ownership Day. (giggles)

Sorry about that, but I can’t take that seriously. Note the quotes.

While I am not a pet myself, my secret identity, “Cuddles”, is, and she’s seen and taken a lot of crap from a supposedly “responsible” pet owner.

My “mistress”, Gudrun Parker, is a kindergarten age girl of very little brain. And her parents have even less brain for thinking she could be “responsible” enough to take care of me.

But here we are.

Honestly- some of you humans have no idea what “responsibility” is. Some of you wouldn’t ever give us food or drink, or take us outside to relieve ourselves, or anything like that, if we didn’t remind you. And don’t get me started on the ones of you who leave us tied up outside at night, or harness us to your sleds, or make us chase some mechanical rabbit down a track, or have us be frigging mascots for your damn fire departments, or….or….or…..

You get my point.

In closing, I’ll just say: remember we dogs have brains just as much as you do, and we know how to use them. And our concerns will not be ignored.

‘Kay. ‘Bye now.