Still Too Many
Cerberus is still pissed.
Yes, it’s me, and I am mad again.
I’ll just put these links up here so you know what we’re dealing with first:
https://www.thepetitionsite.com/431/291/384/?z00m
https://www.thepetitionsite.com/431/291/384/?z00m
https://www.thepetitionsite.com/603/414/484/?z0
https://www.thepetitionsite.com/121/544/922/?z00m=
Okay. Now:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HUMANS?
These are just a few examples of the insane depravity with which you treat my species. We were not meant to be locked up in a kennel hotel, or treated like the inside of a pinata. NOR were puppies like me meant to be SEALED IN PLASTIC….
Now, I know you’re going to say, “We’re not all like that”, and those kind of excuses. And I understand that. Every being is an individual, first and foremost. But there is clearly an aspect of your violent and arrogant Stone Age ancestors that still walks the Earth…
But there is clearly a reason why my amanuensis (look it up!) Mr. Perlmutter has to bring this stuff to my attention. Even though I tell him that I obviously can’t do anything about it…
“What do you want me to do, stop time so you can rewind the clock?” I told him. “There are limits to my powers. And I DON’T have the ability to magically make every negative thing about dogs, past or present, magically disappear, you NINNY!”
Needless to say, he’ll be more cautious about what he brings to me.
“Why don’t you ever write about my actual adventures anymore?” I continued. “Only just recently, Dumbell, the evil second most powerful puppy in the universe, clashed yet again. Professor Pinsker, that nasty anthropologist, is still trying to force me to tell her the secrets of the Perros. That rotten canine plague vector Bordetella nearly made me deathly ill. Virago, that piece of….alien worm, is up to her old tricks trying to make me fall at her stump with the strength of whatever beast’s mind she can take over. And definitely do not forget Kit Vixen, that walking excuse for a coat! How she managed to gain powers of her own and become the supposedly “heroic” 21st Century Fox, and tried to muscle me out of my own hometown, is beyond me right now.”
He nodded and agreed with me, like the Caspar Milquetoast he is.
Anyway, it’s late, and I’m tired, so sort this damn thing amongst yourselves…
Cerberus out.
Two “actual” adventures of Cerberus:
Dear Cerberus,
In answer to your question, "What's wrong with you humans?" We are an incongruent species. Our brains are still in the hunter-gatherer transition and unable to cope with the modern conflicts that are complicated by our sense of morality. In other words...we don't know what the hell we're doing. Excellent question BTW.