International Dog Day

Not a happy day for all...

A guest post by Cerberus, the mightiest puppy in the universe, and all around cool chick….

I have been informed that, since my last one of these communications, some new people are subscribing to this publication who may not have heard of me, so I’ll do a sort of pocket bio before I go on.

I, Cerberus, am a hybrid of the incalculably powerful alien creatures known as the Perros, and a normal Earth Dalmatian. As a consequence, I possess powers and abilities beyond your average dog. Everything they can do and what they have, I can do it faster, stronger and with a lot more thought put into it. Besides that, I am tuned in mentally to the occult and can always use it to my advantage. On a regular basis, I battle the forces of evil, both canine like myself and other beings, by myself or with the aid of my superhero peers, when required.

And I particularly despise anyone who imperils my fellow yippers and barkers, so to speak, in any form or fashion.

Okay: that being taken care of- the business at hand…

I have no idea who was responsible for designating August 26th as International Dog Day, or when, or why. No doubt there was some thought that you would be “honoring” our race by, as it would be, letting us have our “day”.

All you did was passively aggressively praise and damn us with a back-handed compliment, which is what you usually do. What value is there in having a day honoring you when you also decide to honor non-living things like food in the same way. At least, food doesn’t have feelings than can be hurt.

Now, don’t go assuming that I hate the lot of you equally for that. No- I was brought up to be made aware that each dog, and human, and every other living thing was unique in comparison to others of their kind. So I judge others by their behavior and not their appearance. I am myself evidence of how judging someone by their appearance is a completely asinine proposition.

I know there are some of you who wish us great harm, given how often I have encountered those attacking us with whips, chains, collars, leashes and butterfly nets, among other things. There are also those among you who are extremely kind to us, more than you are to yourself. And, incredibly, there are among you those who fear the empowered ones I represent, as I have to reassure those beings that I will not kill or harm them without proper cause- and they give none.

And there are those humans, in full or in part, who are amongst my closest associates and dear to my heart, even if we manage to argue constantly about how we are going to handle a problem foist upon us.

But I do request some things from you.

Give us credit for the intelligence we have always possessed. Do not treat us in the clownish fashion you prefer to behave on the “Internet”. And always understand that whatever you decide to do to or for us will always have consequences for us. Purebreds and mutts alike exist as a result of things you did to us all across time, and you capriciously insist that it’s not your “problem”.

And seriously- can you stop executing us whenever you bloody feel like it? You’re killing off creatures who had lives and hopes and dreams like you did by doing that. I understand that you want revenge for every occasion that an innocent dog unintentionally “mauled” a child because we can’t communicate well with each other, but please…

I can’t intervene in every one of these instances, but I do my best to prevent it when I can. And I hope you will also attempt to have a better relationship with us as well.