National Pet Day

You gotta be kidding her!

HUMANS! We need to talk- again!

Did I or did I not say yesterday that this was to STOP?

Clearly, my word means NOTHING to you! Some of you even MISGENDERED me! (I am a lady).

Look- I understand it says “Pet” in the name and not “Dog”. But WHAT do most people who dislike cats have as a pet?

Exactly!

For it is puppies, not unlike myself, who bare the brunt of your burning human desire for companionship. They take us before we really get to know our parents, stick us in front of a window, and wait for some sucker to abduct us!

And when they find out they can’t handle the “responsibility” of raising us, they ditch us!

My fellow Dalmatians are often victims of this, thanks to that odious Disney propaganda. And do you know who has to rescue them from being put in a sack and drowned in a body of water? Me!

Look, I know a lot of you don’t even do that anymore, but still…

(With a loud crash, POWER BUNNY enters the frame, in her superhero uniform, slightly tipsy).

PB: Hey, Cerb’. I hope I’m not too late to help out…

C: What are you doing? And…..have you been drinking again?

PB: So what! It’s not like I have anything better to do between supe gigs. Not like you and this….

C: What do you want, PB?

PB: Well, you’re not the only dog in this fight, kid. You think your people are the only ones victimized by this whole “pet” shit?

C: Of course not. Most pet dealerships have a wide variety of options available. But I understand your meaning. Rabbits have been victimized by this, as well.

PB: Darn right. They took samples of the wildest vegetable-eating animals of them all and bred them and bred them and bred them and bred them and bred them and…

C: I get it.

PB: Until they were friggin’ lame-o versions of the proud wild beings yours truly is descended from.

C: I’m not surprised.

PB: That’s what they do. Take wild things and chop off their individuality…

C: It does happen a lot. But nothing to the degree and extent of those horrific puppy mills. You rabbits may excel at reproduction, but we dogs generally don’t get it on in those kinds of conditions. That’s why it’s so horrible. They don’t care whether or not they are even related or not. Just have them schtup and then give birth and then pretend they’re up to American Kennel Club standards when they clearly are not. UGH!

PB: Damn it! Why does anyone talking about rabbits have to focus on us procreatin’ all the time?

C: You brought it up. One reason is because of your association with Easter…

PB: A damn lie, that is! We don’t lay no eggs!

C: The Easter Bunny merely distributes…

PB: They invented that bastard out of thin air to make the holiday interesting for the kids! Ain’t none of them interested in that bearded guy coming back from the dead…

C: Okay, this is getting out of hand. I think we better sign off.

PB: So we can drink, huh?

C: You’ve had ENOUGH! And you know I only drink water.

PB: Even when it has alcohol in it, ‘cause I think I spilt some of my booze in that…

C: YOU DID NOT!

PB: Well, I guess I better get going… (Darts off at very fast speed).

C: COME BACK HERE, you LUSH! (Darts off at equally very fast speed.)

End.

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