Superhero Intervention

Needed words....

(Int.: ILGWG headquarters- day- livestream.)

(The International League of Girls With Guns: CERBERUS, MUSCLE GIRL, CANDY GIRL, POWER BUNNY and The BRAT- are seated left to right, in that order, at a conference table. CERBERUS address the livestream audience.)

CERBERUS: Hello, Internet consumers. While normally we do not interfere with the decisions and concerns related to American politics, we felt it was enough of an issue that we five non-citizens could and needed to provide to the likes of you running around like decapitated chickens, bringing in the ugly specters of fascism, racism, sexism and whatnot out into the ether.

We have a message for you, Americans, and that is….

(Breathes in heavily, and then shouts:).

GET OVER IT!!!!

You whose candidate was defeated: be mature enough to accept the loss!

You whose candidate won: don’t rub it in!

Any and all arguments you have made are based purely on conjecture and speculation. There is no logical reason why He Who Will Not Be Named should suddenly convert the land to fascism, and no true proof that Project 300-whatever is really behind his agenda. It’s just you flapping your gums faster than your brain can process your speech!

And seriously: we are superheroes, and we know what pure evil looks like. He is merely a pimple in comparison to what we deal with on a daily basis.

So, in regards to the seemingly urgent messages we have been sent: No, we will not kill the President-elect and any of his staff, nor will we attempt to drive Washington, D.C. off the face of the Earth. Your sick fantasies are none of our business!

However, as female beings, we understand the concerns of yours….

CANDY GIRL: No, we don’t!

CERBERUS: And what do you mean by that?

CG: You know….the A Train?

MUSCLE GIRL: Not this again! Please…

C: I thought we settled this whole thing. It’s bad.

CG: Not if it’s necessary, or there aren’t any other options!

C: What, besides that bizarre coat-hanger method?

CG: You can mouth off all you want on it, Cerb’, but it doesn’t change the fact that we should have the right to get pregnant without feeling like it’s a crime. And that’s what the right-wing people want it to be. Besides, you’ve never got pregnant, and you don’t know what it’s like?

POWER BUNNY: So…you’re saying you are pregnant, then?

CG: NO! NONE of us are! And none of us has had our sexuality violated like….

C: On the contrary!

BRAT: And here comes the steam!

C: As a dog, I know full well what these practices are. They are only a small extension from the extensive matter-swapping process known as “breeding” we have had to endure since day one. Many of my fellow female dogs have had our sexuality completely stolen from us without our consent! And you just look the other way…

MG: Spaying is not the same as abortion, Cerb’. One is about turning it off and the other is about what happens when you don’t turn it off…

C: Semantics! It’s all about regulation of the female body, and what it can produce…

PB: Oh, I get up to a lot of producing, if you know what I mean….a lot of producing stuff to put up my…

C: You have been drinking! Didn’t I say we were supposed to be sober for this?

PB: You did- but you’re messugah!

C: I’m messugah? Me? Someone as intelligent as I am can’t be a messuganah!

BRAT: Here we go again- you have to break out the Yiddish!

MG: Look, girls! There are other issues involving girls and women up for concern here that have nothing to do with abortion that we should discuss!

C: As in what?

MG: Getting more of them voting! The fact that a great percentage of them have been turned off on doing it by the endless propaganda campaign that is…

CG: …yeah, we know. The media-industrial complex. You keep bringing that up all the time, MG.

MG: It’s important!

PB: Not as important as getting those asses in Hollywood to actually pay cartoon characters the money they owe them for starring in their flicks! Why…

BRAT: And how would that happen, exactly?

PB: Um….well…

C: I see. You have no idea. As usual!

PB: I have an idea about you being a stuck-up little spotted ass idiot!

C: My mother didn’t have to put a sheet over my head so sleep could slip up on me!

PB: You’re so ugly that you look like you got whipped with an ugly stick!

C: YOU…..YOU…..You’re that thing I throw peanuts at!

MG: Okay- enough with the name calling…

CG: Can’t handle insults, Goldilocks?

MG: Take that BACK!

CG: You MAKE me!

(C and PB start fighting in one corner, while MG and CG go to another corner and start yelling at each other. Frustrated, BRAT moves from her seat at the table and walks towards the camera filming the livestream.)

BRAT: I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired of this BULLSHIT!

(She swings a fist at the camera, destroying it and ending the broadcast.)

The last time they tried this:

Actually doing their job: